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One morning I woke up and found my favorite pigeon, Julius, had died I was devastated and was gonna use his crate as my stickball bat to honor him. I left the crate on my stoop and went in to get something and I returned to see the sanitation man put the crate into the crusher. I rushed him and caught him flush on the temple with a titanic right hand he was out cold, convulsing on the floor like a infantile retard. (Mike Tyson, of course)

“Iron Mike” is the motherfucking man…Oh so he’s fat now and eats children? So what, Tyra Banks still looks delicious and amazing. Not that Tyson looks delicious but I have no problem saying, even though he is conspicuously crazy, in my mind he will always remain as indestructible as he was on Punch Out (this game might separate the young from the old, the Little Macs from the Midget Macs).

And though his cover looks like it reads “The Complete Idiots Guide to Life”, I truly think Tyson is a genius. Truly, not in any way similar to Shaquille O’neil’s media portrayed intelligence aka “The Big Aristotle”. Kind of in the same vein, Tyson is the ultimate Greek Tragedy, as depicted in his soon to be released documentary “Tyson”. And just in case you’re thinking something shitty along the lines of the Biggie Smalls biopic “Notorious”, supposedly, from Cannes to Sundance the doc electrified and received mad artistic recognition. Even the trailer looks thriller.

Also stay tuned this week for posts on a how it’s possible a trip to Baltimore can make someone who never smiles…look like this:

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